Kookies and Krispy Kreme

After a meteoric rise in the late nineties, Krispy Kreme lost some ground with the introduction of the Atkins diet. I doubt the company's dream of creating a bigger and better America will be realized; however, tasting this month's flavor reinvigorated my hunger for the fried dough. I wonder if this will be as popular as the company's frozen donut beverage that took the donut world by storm last summer. mmmmmm....Just thinking about drinking a nice cool glass of sugar, grease, and flour blended with ice and heavy cream makes my butt leak.

Prequel to Charla's Mane

HBO will be airing the first 4 episodes of The Comeback tonight!

Say "Cheese", then say "ouch!"

Update: I deleted the previous post here because when I read that post this morning, I almost threw up. I was channeling Hallmark. To those of you who read it, you can take the information and hold it close to your heart.

Congratulations to the Chimpnotists who came in 2nd at the Wonderland trivia night last night!

In other news, here is the Chimpnotists' list of reasons why a person would have a bloody rectum:

1) undigested Chex mix
2) too much popcorn
3) fists across America
4) you lost your keys
5) forgetting the function of press on nails
6) an angry cat
7) severe gastric disturbance
8) accidentally reach for the brillo pad when wiping
9) "everybody was kung foo fighting"
10) Captain Hook after Captain Morgan

Charla's mane:

from Amazing Race 5 fame will be appearing on next week's episode of The Comeback, Lisa Kudrow's HBO brain baby about Valerie Cherish, a successful 90's sitcom actress who films a reality show about her comeback. The Comeback follows a similar format as HBO predecessor Curb Your Enthusiasm - loose script, heavily improvised, and loads of cameos.

What I like about it: Lance Barber as Paulie G

"Tom's partner behind the scenes of Room and Bored, Paulie G seems intent on taking Valerie down a notch. He interrupts his online Black Jack game just long enough to inform her that her character has been demoted to a Mrs. Roper-esque landlord living upstairs." (HBO.com)

Every week Paulie G's writing reflects his hatred of Valerie by turning her charcter into the stupid bitch he thinks she is in real life - kind of like a puppetmaster of sorts.

What I also like about it: Robert Michael Morris as Mickey - Who knew I would miss Charles Nelson Riley so much?

What I don't like about it:
It needs more Sarah Silverman.

Why does HBO need 3 shows like this? Can't they cancel Entourage to whittle it down to 2?

New playlist...

I updated the player with a toe tapping Pride month Playlist.

These songs are for sampling purposes only. Don't forget to support these artists by purchasing their albums. If you own the rights to any songs and would like to have them taken down, contact me and I will be happy to do so.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists 9:30 Club 6/23/2005

My new favorite thing is going to concerts of bands I barely know.

Review:
Mary Timony - White Stripes sexual negative.
Radio 4 - Twitching for mediocrity. Make pledges now at 10 cents a twitch./Midnight Oil for a new Generataion. If you really care you can do the Google-ing.
Ted Leo+Pharmacists - Guitar masturbations. Time for me to go to pharmacy school.

Follow it up with a Ben's Chili Bowl Chaser and Ooh La La!
Thanks, Chris!

Schtzo gets press

Thanks Jimbo for the extremely flattering words. Checkout the podcast HERE on Archerradio. I love Jimbo on crack.

Quel Horror!

Generally, the dreams I consider to be nightmares reflect the horrible nature inside of myself. (Forgetting about playing the lead in my high school musical until the night of the first performance, being the serial killer, wearing a brown belt with black shoes, etc...) Rarely do I watch a scary movie and find myself peaking around corners for the banshee or axe murderer. I don't speed past corn fields, whispering to my car, "Please don't break down....please don't break down...just a little farther..." During the serial sniper attacks in Montgomery county I did get in my car and reclined the seat while filling my tank with gasoline, but that had more to do with not wanting to be seen in Montgomery County and not with the sniper.

I watched too many horror movies as a child. I'm convinced of this fact because I can watch almost any scary movie without lingering effects. That doesn't mean that I don't occasionally jump when the killer startles his victim from out of nowhere, but just that I don't leave the theater frightened. Such avid horror film viewing I attribute to growing up Catholic. Like Anakin Skywalker I decided that if I wish to battle the devil, I need to know the devil. What I learned: Being the devil isn't so bad. You might die off for a little while, but in the end you'll come back to kill another day. I don't go to church anymore.

Last Friday night I viewed Friday the 13th part 2 for the first time in about 20 years. I remember that it scared the living daylights out of me as a kid, so it was nice to enjoy it as an adult. Given how horrible my memory is, I was surprised how much I remembered...the opening scene where (I assume) the girl who killed Jason's mother in the first installment gets an ice pick through the temple...the guy in the wheelchair (who had no trouble getting around the rugged outdoors without the use of ramps) getting a machete across the face then falling backwards down the stairs, the heroine, Ginny, putting on Jason's mother's old sweater to try and trick Jason into thinking that she was his mother... The most brilliant part of the movie remains the scene where Jason corners Ginny into a room where she is hiding under the bed. The viewer sees his feet from her perspective and as she's trying to remain as quiet as possible, the camera shows a rat approaching her face. Ginny is so frightened she pees her pants and the golden liquid flows from under the bed, betraying her location to Jason. This never happens in horror movies. There should be more wetting and crapping going on....

...anyway, the viewing brought a few issues to light regarding me and horror movies.
1) The best part of a horror movie in my opinion is the beginning. I'm not talking about the pre-credit scene where someone gets axed, but after that where they show how life is before any of the characters have any inking that they are about to be stalked, tortured and turned into chop suey. Writers depict life as boring, ordinary, and mundane leaving the viewer with the feeling that the future victims are ill equipped both physically and emotionally for the events that are about to take place. (Are the producers trying to convey subliminal messages relating to appreciating the banality of life?) The characters in Friday part 2 remained unaware of Jason's presence for almost the entire movie, making it very satisfying to watch. Some movies with favorite opening sequences: The Shining, Children of the Corn, Scream, The Birds.
2) Because the victims don't comprehend the situation until it is too late, I always enjoy seeing the "holy shit" look right before the slaying. My holy shit face looks a lot like this. A moment of guilt and sadness quickly follows the initial elation resulting in a type of horny ecstasy that I've only experienced when confessing my sins.
3) I root for the underdog. I can't help it. So the moment when the tide turns, I lose interest. During the final scene where the hero/heroine battles the monster, I'm hoping the monster wins. I know if I were in the same situation, my competitive nature would kick in and I would cheer myself on to victory, but this isn't the same thing.

Playlist updated
Don't forget that these songs are for sampling purposes only. Please support the artists and buy their albums.

Wedgies

As my pants have started causing a ring of blood to form around my waistline, I bought some "Litehouse" blue cheese dressing for my iceberg wedge salads that I've been eating (which I call giving myself a wedgie...okay I don't, but I needed a title...and I will from now on...) On second inspection of the bottle, I realized that it said nowhere that it was actually low fat or low cal or low anything (which is my definition of LITE). I then looked at the label to see that 2 measly tablespoons contains 25% of my daily fat allowance. Guess I'll have to change back to my regular dressing. Here's the recipe:

1 part vinegar
17 parts water
0.5 parts brown mustard
0.01 part oil

shake vigorously and pour down the sink. Pull Litehouse dressing out of refrigerator and use instead.

I'll be updating the tracks on the player this weekend in case you're bored with the current selection.

Word of the Day

Schizogonic

And in case you're wondering what schizogony is.

For example, in discussing today's disease of the day, malaria:

The life cycle of all species of human malaria parasites is essentially the same. It comprises an exogenous sexual phase (sporogony) with multiplication in certain Anopheles mosquitoes and an endogenous asexual phase (schizogony) with multiplication in the vertebrate host.
The latter phase includes the development cycle in the red cells (erythrocytic schizogony) and the phase taking place in the parenchyma cells in the liver (pre-erythrocytic schizogony). (www.btinternet.com)

In other news, I took great pride this weekend at the DC pride festival in booing city council member Carol Schwartz as she rode down 17th St. in her yellow mustang convertible. This is the same convertible that you can find illegally parked all over Washington, DC (since council members don't pay parking tickets thanks to Schwartz). Often times you will also find her dog's unscooped dookie doo next to the passenger side door. I'm beginning to think that her ideas stem from her schizogonic cycle of stupidity.

www.schtzotheblog.com

Please redirect your links to:

www.schtzotheblog.com

My apologies for not posting this sooner but I've been traveling and struggling with learning HTML. The streaming music works, but the archive links do not. I'll be working on these next. Thanks for your patience.

The Stars at Night

were neither big nor bright...deep in the heart of Texas. Instead, they were replaced by a hazy glow of hotel signs, reflected a million times over in the humidity of San Antonio. The Riverwalk amounted to nothing more than a sewer system with a sidewalk. The Alamo, which faces opposite an arcade of wax museums and a Ripley's Believe It Or Not proved to be nothing like the enormous anthropological museum on life in Texas featured in Pee Wee's Big Adventure, but just a big room, a gift shop and a museum. No adobe...no clay pots...no corn...no Jan Hooks...

The museum was useless after a day filled with reading scientific posters, and the big room for which the Alamo is known took about 20 seconds to walk through. I gained no sense of the impeding doom the soldiers faced in their final moments or why the Alamo is so significant in American history (except for the fact that it may have rallied the people to fight for their independence). The Goliad massacre seemed much more dramatic and horrific to me. Because of the realization that the Alamo meant nothing to me (or maybe it was because the place was closing) I stayed away from the gift shop. In retrospect I probably should have ventured inside to see what delightful trinkets might have sat upon my shelves gathering dust. I did make it to several gift shops and here are a few items I could have purchased:

Mexican jumping beans
"Bling bling San Antonio" Beadazzled T-shirt
Coonskin cap
Spurs memorabilia
Ceramic ginger root magnet that says "San Antonio, TX"
Pipes of pan CD featuring my favorite country hits
etc...

but I didn't...Here is what I returned with:
A Sheriff's badge and black lizard skin boots for J.
Snakeskin boots for me.

Anyway, despite my negativity, the conference proved to be excellent and the Mexican food and beef (steaks and burgers) was (were?) magically delicious. I loved staying in a haunted hotel, although the only ghost I thought existed turned out to be just a player piano that knew all the hits of Les Miserables. The sewer...er...Riverwalk boat tour also highlighted the week teaching me that the only thing more important than Texas history to a tourist visiting San Antonio is a gentle breeze and a margarita on an uncomfortably hot and humid summer night in San Antonio.

Go Spurs!!!

Now Playing:

I've finally gotten my xspf player running properly although the time to load each song takes a while, so check it out. small, baby steps.

So my trip to San Antonio which I've been anticipating for more than a year is over. Although I initiallly scoffed at the prospect of travelling to San Antonio, I have to admit that as a tourist, it's pretty great. Surprisingly, none of the corn I ate while down there has resurfaced. I'll fill in more details later, but let me know if there are problems with the player.
My next two tasks involve fixing the archiving problem and using different fonts that I like more than the ones available. Any help in either of these areas will be appreciated especially the archiving.

Oh, and until I can figure out how to put a little disclaimer, please support the starving artists and the overweight artists that create the music that makes my life enjoyable and buy their albums if you like what you hear.

Finally, I'm reading my second book in a row (without prior knowlege before cracking the spine) about an autistic child trying to solve a mystery. Why didn't Hanna Barbara get their hands on this concept in the seventies? Can you imagine a band of mystery solving special needs kids who also play in a band and have a pet rat. It could be called "The Smartest Kids in the World Detective Agency" Anyway, I liked Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close better even if it did cheese me out at times....it also broke my heart while I laughed out loud. I leant it to someone who I may never see again, but hopefully I'll get it back.