Blowoff 10/30/2004: Angry DC Queers Demand Morel "In a Fix" remix

Cast of Characters: Chris, Eric, Brian, John, Bob Mould, Richard Morel, with special guest appearance by Crisafer

Halloween Eve pulsated through the walls of the back bar at the 9:30 club with a vibe that can only be described (by Eric) as "dirty in a good way." Musclebears lined the walls like the greatest hits collection of the DC Eagle exposing tatoos, nipples, and various other bric-a-brac. Both familiar and obscure melodies hovered like banshees swirling through the room expertly mixed and exhorcised as appropriate. The most surprising and refreshing aspect of Blowoff is the diversity and the uniqueness of the music being played. One minute Orbital was blasting, followed by some heavy metal ditty melding into a house mix of Steve Winwood's "Valerie." As demi-host, Bob scittered around when not busy behind the DJ booth making sure that everyone felt welcome and enjoyed themselves.

And now for the disappointment:
Oddly left from the evening was Morel's remix of Bob Mould's themesong to the hit TLC home improvement show, "In a Fix." (If you don't believe me, check out the credits at the end of the show.) Okay, so the remix probably doesn't exist, but shouldn't it?

The night ended too early for me as my guests Chris and Eric from Pittsburgh wanted to leave. In retrospect, it was probably the right time to make an exit. Can't wait for the next one on November 13.

Low Budget Tapes Battle It Out

All of the independent film fans should be happy to watch the no holds barred battle for the number 1 spot on the low budget charts between the recently found Ed Wood's Necromania and underground legend Osama bin Ladin's "Untitled." Whereas bin Ladin's effort will likely get more play speaking to a global audience, Necromania can not be discounted for its legendary content and assured cult following.

Is it a coincidence that these movies came out at approximately the same time? Both films prey upon the fear of individuals: Necromania, the fear of sexual perversion, and "Untitled," the fear of terrorist attacks. This says to me that there was a bit of studio competition in much the same way that Armegeddon and Deep Impact competed for the "comet destroys earth" blockbuster title of 1998. Additionally, both films had enormous anticipation on the part of each producer's fan base going for them. Ed Wood died in 1978 leaving a treasure trove of cult classics and the legend of some missing films. For 15 years, Rudolph Grey and Alexander Kogan (film distributor) sought out this footage to have their rainbow end at a Los Angeles warehouse in 2001. Similarly, George W. Bush has been seeking out Osama bin Ladin since the writer/director/producer/terrorist/actor's disappearance into the Afghanistani mountains in 2002.

In terms of budget, Necro apparently had a budget of $5000.00 and has a running time of 53 minutes. Nobody knows the budget of bin Ladin's soon to be cult classic, but it can be approximated at $45.00 for brown fabric and has a running time of 18 minutes. Could it be Osama's year at the Oscars? Only time will tell.

Garbage Pail Kids Reborn!!!

Oh sweet sis! How you remembered my obsessive collection of garbage pail kids as a wee one. And when I opened your Halloween card to find a brand new series of Garbage Pail Kids, I nearly wet myself like Goldie Shower! My pack included such delightful tots as Scabby Abby, Newsworthy Nick, Tearin' Erin, Bobble Bob, Piranha Conner, and Loony Lenny (which I think was recycled from an older series). Scabby Abby is by far my favorite as a scab filled darling eating one of her own scabs! I'm hoping the next pack will contain Christina Ugliera. Interestingly enough, the rock hard stick of pink chewing gum was gone, but in its place was an internet code that promises reward! What might it be? That will have to wait for a future post. BTW, if you were more of a Wacky Packages kid, they're back too!

Sadre Malerche - Sondre Lerche @ Iota (10/26/04)

(pronounced Sadder Malarky meaning Sadder Malarkey than Bull Malarkey)

Sondre Lerche had people lined up around the corner...the only problem is that they were lined up to get their flu shots following a concert where infected Sondre Lerche coughed, hacked and crooned his way through a set of originals featured on his 2 albums + EP. To get a feel for the performance, I've included a post performance discussion which actually took place.

Below is a real conversation provided to me by friend J and C.

C: how was sondre lerche?
J: um, pretty bad :-P
C: figured
J: the winner of Norwegian Idol, or possibly runner-up. It didn't help that 3/4ths of the show was solo w/acoustic guitar interspersed with lengthy euro-english one-way monologues
C: really?
J: yes - he had no band, but finished with about 4-5 songs with the opening band - the almost-competent Golden Republic from Kansas City.

J is exaggerating slightly - The Golden Republic was so far from competence that "almost competent" would be like the Libertarians winning the presidency in the upcoming election. Their set included 2 Matchbox 20 sound-a-likes followed by a pseudo-new wave followed by a Franz Ferdinand sounding fiasco. J. commented that a couple times he thought they were going to bust into something good, but then "they didn't." Even triter than their musical tripe was the attempted awkward banter where the lead singer asked a Snow (Informer) look-a-like if his name was Dennis. The lead singer found this question to be most humorous. When nobody laughed, he explained to everyone that the guy had a jacket on that read "Dennis." The patron politely said, "No, I got it at a vintage store." The singer exalted that he loved vintage stores and Snow immediately removed the jacket. This led into G.R.'s next forgettable song, which led me to wonder, "Is there anyway I could have extended that conversation to prevent them from performing..." I pinched my cheeks in time to the rhythm...I really had to go.

Sondre came out looking as sickly as he claimed to be. I worried for the pale, greenish boy...and then looking around at the closed room filled with people I worried for the rest of us. At the time I didn't understand why 1) he was playing such a small venue, and 2) he wasn't going to sell out. The answer came upon hearing the first song. People saw him live before and they weren't going to be fooled again. (As an aside I mentioned to J. at the concert how much I would love 227 superstar Jackee to say his name like she'd say her own name,"Saaaaaaaaaaaandra" in the TV show.) The other unfortunate aspect of the concert was the endless ramblings that didn't make any sense between songs. Such Two Way Monologues made him come across as a cross between a street performer and a crazy homeless person.

I need to flashback to earlier in the evening when J. and I were eating dinner at Iota and I commented to J., "I am so happy to be here...I mean to see Sondre play live in such a small venue is really quite cool!" I am declaring that the music (Sondre's not the Golden Republic's) wasn't bad. In fact, on CD I love it! Sondre sang well except that due to the illness he wasn't able to get the high notes and they were often a little off pitch. It just didn't translate to a boy and his guitar. One of the main strengths in Sondre's music lies in the interesting harmonies and background music. He truly writes beautiful music, which made the experience all the more disappointing. The final 1/4 improved for me when The Golden Republic stepped in as his back up band, filling in the missing pieces as adequately as they could. Unfortunately, given that G.R. had a captive audience for the first time in their careers, they took it upon themselves to rock out unncecessarily. At one point, Sondre promised that the next song would not end with rocking out, but it was a lie. Highlights of the evening included "On The Tower," "Two Way Monologue," "Maybe You're Gone," and "Track You Down." "Sleep on Needles" could have been okay if he didn't sing the whole song 1/8 pitch flat.

Sondre definitely needs studio production, which for a singer/songwriter, doesn't seem necessarily positive.

temper tampons

I need super absorbency today. The lining of my IQ is shedding and I'm finding myself a good candidate for induction into the menses society.

What I mean to say is that I'm throwing a temper tantrum right now, and whereas I understand the ridiculousness and I want it to stop, all of the rational explanations sound just like a parent trying to calm a flailing child. I've laid my body down on the ground. My arms and legs are outstretched in jumping jack suspension. I'm holding my breath until I turn blue. It is a definite stand off with rational me standing over, tapping my foot in complete frustration knowing that deep inside that all of the other Meyers Briggs ISTJ beings are simply looking on in utter embarrassment and judgement. And what's worse is that the rational me wants to give in and resolve the issue just to end the cycle.

It's interesting the difference between throwing tantrums as an adult and throwing tantrums as a child. I don't know if I've ever experienced a temper tantrum as an adult before, which makes the experience all the more enlightening. What is the anatomy of a temper tantrum? A strong desire followed by extreme disappointment. A fragile membrane encases the longing, rich and potent and full of life's potential, holding in flavor and fat. Surrounding the fetal ardor, perhaps protecting and nurturing it, are the odds against it ever occuring (let's face it, how desirable would something be if it were easy). The membrane breaking leads to emotional scrambling...not a well formed frittata of feelings, or a hard boiled ordeal - simply whisked metaphysical ova with a dash of salt and pepper. Even though logical thoughts are consistantly going through my head, my physical body is twitching with jaded angst and uncontrollable agitation. My brain is turning purple and the temper tampon is saturated to the point where extraction is almost impossible.

I've heard that you can never kill yourself by holding your breath. Eventually you would pass out and then your body's autonomic nervous system would kick in and save you. Have you ever held your breath for so long that you start to see prickles of light? Well, that's what has finally happened for me. You can get a similar effect by squinting your eyes and rubbing your knuckles against your eyeballs as hard as you can tolerate. Maybe autonomic reasoning has settled in. I love and am loved and that's all that matters.

Just one thing to remember, once you are able to remove your temper tampon, be sure to flush. You wouldn't want your friends telling stories about you behind your back.

You Got Served!

Watch Yoki dance.

Together We're Shedding: Polyphonic Spree 10/01/04

Cast of Characters:
Ben, John, Weena, Brian, The Polyphonic Spree

I must begin this posting by stating that I'm intrigued by The Polyphonic Spree but that doesn't necessarily make me a fan. I picked up their album Together We're Heavy the week that it came out in response to their impressive cover of Wig in a Box on the Hedwig tribute album and found myself completely unable to express an opinion on their music. The first track, "Section 11: A Long Day Continues/We Sound Amazed" left me with my jaw dragging along the side of my car, but tracks such as "Section 14: Two Thousand Places" left me squirming in my seat like a 4 year old at Catholic mass. After seeing them live at the Kennedy Center's Millenium Stage the jury is still out -- still out clapping their hands and jumping around!!! The happy lovefest gradually turned to creepy cult worship reminiscent of Waco, resulting in high-fives all around.

My opinion of their music: I definitely feel that their music is interesting, and the instrumentation and implementation of choral textures brilliant; however, the melodies generally tend to fall into a category of songs you can play on your child's toy piano. It doesn't seem to matter when you can layer electronic woodwinds, harps, brass, percussion, and as Ben likes to put it, the Brady Bunch choir loaded with dance moves even Charles Schultz would approve. I had a blast to the point that when The Polyphonic Spree returned for their encore (Light and Day/Reach for the Sun) from the back of the audience, I stuck my hand out in solidarity for that high five from lead singer, Tim DeLaughter. Palm to palm contact between my well caloused hand (for various reasons) and the singer's over lotioned baby flesh, made me feel as lucky as Pippy Longstockings at a pantyhose fetish party.

The concert was nothing less than overwhelming.

Recent navigation to their homepage led me to an incredible cover of David Bowie's "Five Years" from Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars giving the original glam rock version new a touch of orchestrated chaos. John commented during the show that the Spree must perform interesting covers and their Bowie cover definitely confirms this hypothesis.

Questions:
Do they wear underwear under those robes?
How many pounds of hair does The Spree shed per year?
When will the government surround their compound for the final apocolyptic standoff?