Do you know that first sip of something cold when you can feel exactly where you stomach lining is?

I shine brightest of them all!

cute is the new emo

Taking a cue from Chrisafer:



"She's really good!"

Olde Country Buffet

My sister and I grew up in a gourmet void and it is something that we never let my mother forget. We never understood my mother's inability to cook meat to anything less than a charred block until now.

My mother's ancsestry originates in Ireland - just a hop across the North Channel to Scotland. Have you ever ordered a hamburger in the UK? If so, then you understand the black, charred, dryness mixed with the over salted seasoning that is a British hamburger. Such was my mother's Roast beef, meatloaf and of course burger. Can you guess how her vegetables are prepared?

That's right - all vegetables of any color are boiled to the point where they are white and mushy. No teeth required.

Anyway, for most of you, this means nothing, but for me it was an epiphany. It wasn't that my mother didn't know how to cook well, it's that bad cooking was part of her upbringing. That's all....

porkchops begat poop begat flushing begat sewage begat Candace Cameron's temporarily unborn fetus.

Only a nucleus could understand why it's so lonesome to be in the center.

Go Geico, Go Geico...

Seriously, GO! Leave my sight!

After increasing my rates in September by $200 for no reason and now increasing an additional $400 for no reason, I'm ready to cut you loose. Every six months some employee of yours casually makes a "mistake" to my renewed policy that causes a rate increase, or some "survey" of repair costs forces a rate hike...

No more. I'm leaving you to be in the good hands of President Palmer and AllState.

...and may I advise anyone with Geico to check out Progressive's service to compare...it ended up saving me $600/6 months.

Jenny Wilson Fill Ups my Ears

Straddling a world somewhere between Kate Bush, Joanna Newsom, and 80's synth pop, Swedish Siren Jenny Wilson has managed to create a sound sure to lure many indie queers to her rocky shores. Stream her entire album at her website

More Curtis Vodka - Bammers Beware!

I guess I was lucky yesterday to catch his Werewolf mix because he added a new one today (the link from yesterday's post still works). This is much more in line with what I think of as Baltimore club - which means I like the werewolf mix better...but still great stuff!

B-more Candy Mix - features nice remix of Luxurious (Gwen Stefani) and the Jefferson's theme song as well as a song about everybody's favorite sandwich.

Aural Happiness

Here's some recent finds of mine which I wish to share and spread:

1) Curtis Vodka - Music for Werewolf that Own Cadillacs (entire remix album - tracks not divided)
2) Strip Squad - Down and Out and Away
3) Monkey Swallows the Universe - Sheffield Shanty
4) Acid House Kings - Sunday Morning
5) Final Fantasy - This Modern Love (Bloc Party cover)
Bonus for Mr. Bartender:
Feist - Mushaboom (dirty remix) from Fat Planet
(thanks for the tip)

Confession:

When I have trouble sleeping, I recreate my gymnastics routines from the sixth grade in my head.

Fete des rois

Well, I suppose I'm late to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year so I'll wish everyone the best Fete des Rois ever!

Even with the rain I still wish I were in L.A.

Dream Diary 1

So, I had a rather strange dream last night that I feel compelled to recount.

To give background for my dream that I created during the dream:

Congolese rebels are on the attack, burning villages on their way to the presidential compound in Brazzaville. Prior to these attacks CBS chose the location as the site for Survivor 14 of which I was selected to be a contestant. The 16 castaways have already been dropped off when the dream begins.

So, I remember thinking, so this is it...we're on our own...no food, no water. We were given a map that led us to our camp. In order to get there we had to traverse miles and miles of lush African Grasslands. The big five animals were no where in sight. They had all been massacred by the rebel fighters. All that stood out was dead golden grass waving in the wind. The tribe entered the fenced compound that belonged to the president of the country. A river rushed by one edge of the property with treacherous rapids - perhaps the Sangha? My group continued uphill through more grass and we set our meager belongings next to a giant mansion that belonged to the president.

I quickly made an alliance with Mechell Ndegeocello who was the surprise celebrity. The competition was rather vague. I remember preparing myself for headaches from not drinking water and being very hungry. What was wierd about this was that we were allowed to use the mansion and we would take showers and swim in the pool and other people in the group would eat and drink. I kept telling them: Hey, this isn't really the point, is it? But eventually I gave up trying to hunt rodents in the grass and opened the freezer for a Bocca Burger. After the tribes merged I learned that Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeifer were also competing. Bruce Willis was the first to go after we merged and as he left he asked everyone if they wanted to see his wang. I had been told by J. that his female friend had "done" Bruce and that his wiener was not all that, but what he showed us was swollen and large, encased in black latex with the chestnuts free to breathe. Following this and before departing, Michelle (not Mechell) and Bruce snuggled and kissed because while they were on the same tribe for the beginning of Survivor Congo they became close and fell in L.O.V.E.

I didn't win the competition because other parts of the dream involved me sitting in on the tribal councils as a jury member. The rest is vague and nobody went on strike and nobody wrote pointless articles that don't really say anything at all. But eventually I did wake up and people were on strike and people were writing pointless articles that don't really say anything at all.

I've seen Color of Night, so I know that I was very generous to Bruce, but I know deep inside that it's not how big it is, but how you use it. Feel free to leave comments with links to naked photos of Mr. Willis.

I would like to encourage the Parking Enforcement of DC to unionize and go on strike. What a great city DC would be!