Mafia Scare

The Italian ballet mafia is after my boyfriend and I just have to hope that the vest made for him out of a pizza box and tin foil will fool them into thinking that he's invincible. You see, there have been a lot of well dressed men walking around our building, smoking imported cigarettes, and clucking like roosters in their mother tongue. Based on what I know about the(ballet mafia)m, I think it will pass for a bullet proof vest. I used a Sharpee to write bullet proof in big capital letters across the front and since Sharpie markers are permanent, they won't be able to erase it. Also, their heads are so far up their asses that I'm sure they won't see past their reflection in the foil.

The next phase of my defense: I'm using a collander, pipe cleaners and some refrigerator magnets to create a mind reading and brain wave disrupting helmet that will have those pirouetting monsters sucking on their thumbs screaming for their mommies. It works by forcing them to obsess over how they might be able to get one for themselves until it consumes their every thought...as a result, the individual wearing the hat knows what the mobster is thinking cause the mobster's disrupted thoughts can only be on the high tech hat.