Tossed Salads: Then and Now
My lunch today is a salad made up of the following:
Spinach
feta Cheese
Chick peas
Chick en
Cucumbers
Carrot Shreds
Sunflower Seeds
Ranch Dressing
Cheddar/Monterey Jack Cheese Medley
When I was younger, this was my salad
Cottage Cheese
Chick Peas
Cheddar Cheese
Blue Cheese Dressing
Bacon Bits
Crispy Chinese Noodles
Salad Bar Tid Bits
Sneeze guards make me suspicious especially when the edge allows the sneeze juice to drain directly into the vegetables and accoutrements.
When faced with a salad bar topping missing thongs or a spoon, I tend to panic. In such situations, I use a similar philosophy at the salad bar as I would with my butt crack. Who wants their vegetables tainted with the thongs of another? Not me, so I try to find a suitable substitution for that item. For example, if there is no thong in the broccoli, I will take the thongs from the cauliflower. There are no substitutes for chick peas or sunflower seeds, so in these cases I will subtly use a near by serving utensil after ensuring that nobody is watching.
Once I was completely grossed out by an old lady who was attempting to decipher the salad dressings. I assume it was a question of Ranch or Blue Cheese cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know? The bitty in question took the ladle and held it up to her nose not one centimeter from the nostril and inhaled. In order to inhale, she probably would have had to have exhaled as the ladle approached unless she was a puppet and her fairy godmother had just that instant turned her into a real girl which I seriously doubt unless her fairy godmother was really mean and wanted her to be ugly which I suppose WOULD be an amusing anecdote to tell the other fairy god mothers at their weekly get together...so I thought about all of the stuff that fell out of her nose as the ladle approached cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know?
Here's a great book I'm reading that has nothing to do with salad bars, but if you want to laugh while you're feeling really sad this book will get the job done.
Spinach
feta Cheese
Chick peas
Chick en
Cucumbers
Carrot Shreds
Sunflower Seeds
Ranch Dressing
Cheddar/Monterey Jack Cheese Medley
When I was younger, this was my salad
Cottage Cheese
Chick Peas
Cheddar Cheese
Blue Cheese Dressing
Bacon Bits
Crispy Chinese Noodles
Salad Bar Tid Bits
Sneeze guards make me suspicious especially when the edge allows the sneeze juice to drain directly into the vegetables and accoutrements.
When faced with a salad bar topping missing thongs or a spoon, I tend to panic. In such situations, I use a similar philosophy at the salad bar as I would with my butt crack. Who wants their vegetables tainted with the thongs of another? Not me, so I try to find a suitable substitution for that item. For example, if there is no thong in the broccoli, I will take the thongs from the cauliflower. There are no substitutes for chick peas or sunflower seeds, so in these cases I will subtly use a near by serving utensil after ensuring that nobody is watching.
Once I was completely grossed out by an old lady who was attempting to decipher the salad dressings. I assume it was a question of Ranch or Blue Cheese cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know? The bitty in question took the ladle and held it up to her nose not one centimeter from the nostril and inhaled. In order to inhale, she probably would have had to have exhaled as the ladle approached unless she was a puppet and her fairy godmother had just that instant turned her into a real girl which I seriously doubt unless her fairy godmother was really mean and wanted her to be ugly which I suppose WOULD be an amusing anecdote to tell the other fairy god mothers at their weekly get together...so I thought about all of the stuff that fell out of her nose as the ladle approached cause let's face it, if you can't see the chunks, how would you know?
Here's a great book I'm reading that has nothing to do with salad bars, but if you want to laugh while you're feeling really sad this book will get the job done.
posted by Schitzo at
12:40 PM
