Ms. Yoki's Neighborhood

Theme Song: to the tune of "Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood"

She's the loneliest dog in the neighborhood
The loneliest dog for a neighbor
Yoki think twice
You're life is so nice

She's the loneliest dog in the neighborhood
The loneliest dog as a neighbor
Please don't use that
No, Don't use that
You should use a razor

Scene i
Camera pans a series of train set fire hydrants, trees and dog houses. Gradually people houses appear. Camera flys through window of apartment building and focuses on crate with beach blanket covering it.

Yoki: (from inside crate) Now I understand the Muslim oppression of women.

(Hours pass with occasional shifts and sighs heard from inside the crate. A door is heard shutting and footsteps. The blanket is pulled up to reveal Yoki sitting up hunched towards the back of the crate. The metal door swings open and Yoki emerges. Yoki stretches twice. A hand appears and immediately snaps on a leash. In mid-stretch she is yanked and disappears out the door. The camera follows.

Yoki: (while being whisked out the front door) Now I understand the American oppression of blacks during the time of slavery

Scene ii
The camera follows Yoki and owner from behind showing owner's feet occasionally entering the shot.

Owner: (repeating over and over) Yoki, do your business, baby.
Yoki: I'm so lonely. If I do my business so to speak, then it's back to the cell, but the words stimulate my anal glands for some reason...Maybe if I distract myself with this stick...
Look, there are friendlies o'er yonder hill! Hark Lasher! Hark Cindy! Sniffy Sniffy.

Camera zooms in on Yoki's nose which sniffs the rim of a yellow labs pink pucker. Yoki is immediately pulled from the dog and marched away by owner. Resolved to maintain her freedom, Yoki sniffs around in a distracted and disorganized manner. One minute she's chewing a stick, the next she's struggling to return to her compadres. Finally Yoki can no longer resist and lets loose.

Yoki (while dumping): There is nothing to live for.

Scene iii
Yoki is seen lounging on a red ottoman. An opened bottle of Ambien is seen up on the table. She notices the bottle on the edge of the table and walks to the end of the ottoman (which is in sniffing distance from the table) to investigate.

Yoki: Perhaps if I take a few I can escape this meaningless life and enter the World of Makebelieve. (Yoki manages to tip the bottle over and a few drop to the floor. She dismounts the ottoman and quickly licks up the three pills). The camera blurs and fades. The camera gradually clears from blurry darkness to reveal a magical land where Yoki's chew toys have come to life. A yellow swan with its beak chewed off and an eyeball hanging out of its socket is dancing around with a hedghog that has a big bloody hole in the back of its head.

Yoki paws her eyes to try and comprehend the world before her.

Wounded Hedgehog: Come and join our party, Yoki. We were just talking about you.
Swan: Yes, join us. (They eyeball falls to the ground. Yoki eats the eyeball) We were just discussing what a hypocrite you are to be complaining about your life all the time. When was the last time you had someone play tug of war with your legs.
Wounded Hedgehog: You are the most terrible overlord of them all, and now you shall get your commupins.
Yoki: Damn it! A bad trip!
The toys latch onto Yoki's throat and there is a struggle. The scene blurs and fades to black.

Owner: (fading in with echo) Yoki, Yoki, wake up Yoki. What have you done little plumpkins?
Yoki's eyes reluctantly open. The owner strokes her head to comfort the sleepy dog. Well, since you're awake, you can walk to your crate.
Yoki: Zoinks, foiled again.

Camera fades to black. Music box version of theme song plays as credits roll.

Stay tuned next month when Yoki tries using knives.